I'm at a point in my life where I need to step out of the fast lane and regather myself. I'm lost in an unending cycle of self blame and hatred that has once again worked its way into my personal life and torn me from those I love. In wanting the best for others, I've sacrificed myself completely and at the end of the day, neither I or anyone else has made any gains despite my honest efforts. I'm so lost that during the day I've noticed long periods of time where I haven't had a single thought in my head. Its almost zen like, but negative in benefit.

The only thought I have right now is to mourn. I have been incredibly sad and lonely internally for a long time. I have been hurt from the past and instead of mourning, I turned to anger to deal with the pain. Maybe its time for me to be sad out loud, cry and shed the needed tears and suffer that of which I have been avoiding. I also need to learn to let go and stop "giving a fuck" about a lot of things.

To the ones I have let down...this is my last apology. I'm sorry for all the harm, frustration, sadness and lack of affection that I have portrayed. My intentions were always honorable and true in virtue. Please forgive me and wish me good will.

I'm going to take a short break from DA. I want to put extra effort in learning and making music. I do have a lot to post and plan to keep working on fractals, but for now..I don't want to try and keep up with deviations. This may be a very short break or a couple of months. At this point I don't know.

Sincerely
JcA